Last June, it got really hard for me... misunderstandings, losing someone and not knowing how it happened... it came like a bolt of lightning, rapid and formidable. It had stricken me relentlessly. No explanations, just ruminated that it’s over. I felt so alone, discerning that I won't have any place or chance to go further, to prevail on.
It's funny how our life can be so frisky. People get to meet trials, sometimes they triumph and shout for grandeur but every now and then, it could be fierce and unbreakable. We may sometimes feel so truncated. Ironic, isn't it?
But somehow, days went by as it is and how it should be, unfathomable yet no choice but to pass each day with a downtrodden sentiment. Sometimes I get to blame God why things never go my way, why this idiocy transpires. My freewill was even doubted, it became like we have a choice to do things our way but things still occurs the way it should be... like, how is that freewill? I wasn't able to answer it at a halt. I know at the right time, this enigma will be deciphered.
Demise seemed to move with me, everyday that passed. A predicament of questions, like what did I do wrong? What should have I done? What should I not do? And answers like, I should have been more expressive... and more questions just arise ad infinitum. But I couldn't have done it, I was never the type who show through actions or words how I felt about someone even burly as it may feel.
I don't show that much emotion not because I’m like that... it’s because I lack those abilities... I didn't know how or when it’s right... I grew up having my family that was always there, yes, but I always depended on myself for such certain issues, shy about asking such emotional questions and was only able to talk about those stories when it's all over or I already overcame those corresponding situations. I was afraid to talk about failures and to be specific, my failure..
I may have been down beaten and depressed, but as I was able to accept things the way it is, little by little, my status quo seemed to mend. Things I wanted before but didn't have the courage to perceive, knocks on my door. It gets better every day, making me opportune and my life meaningful for a purpose.
At the end of the day, I was able to grasp what God and the circumstances wanted to teach me... It is to have faith, accept, love, and wait. No one should set for anything less, we should always get hold of superior things, clench on things we love but should still know when it wrecks us and it’s time to let go even how much you wanted it. There's always an approximate made for us and we are here to fulfill that purpose. We only live to bring fruition to what was destined.
